January 28th, 2007

Today was the day for two comfortable morning services and a powerful, troubling, evening worship.

The setting was the familiar Call Us Home for the Creator services. The music was also familiar. The Second Lesson was 1 Corinthians 13: 1-13. Pr. Fred's sermon was full of stories about the Second Lesson and the Gospel Luke 4:21-30.

The gospel describes the initial pleasure that people in Jesus' hometown felt when he spoke to them and how it turned to rage when he reminded them that prophets often bring God's blessings to those who are regarded as outsiders.

In the Gospel readings, not being Jewish, I often feel like the outsider and that the blessings coming to the outsider are good news to me. That was the meaning I took from the Gospel reading in our morning services.

This is the fourth Sunday in January, designated as an ecumenical welcoming Sunday. The Gospel reading is likely chosen for that because it explicitly references outsiders. To celebrate this fourth Sunday, Central Lutheran celebrated with a Reconciling In Christ service.

A little over a week ago I was not aware of Reconciling in Christ or Lutherans Concerned / North America. Reconciling in Christ is a program and the LCNA is an organization that work towards the acceptance and full participation of all sexual orientations and gender identities. I attended the Reconciling in Christ evening service tonight at Central Lutheran and my morning understanding of the Gospel reading dramatically changed context. An empathetic, spiritual epiphany occurred.

Pr. Dayle preached powerfully in her sermon last Sunday about Pr. Brad Schmeling and his trial. The verdict is not released yet. Tonight, Pastor Katherine Hellier gave the RIC Sunday sermon for the Central service. She dedicated her sermon to an unnamed colleague who was the first choice to give the sermon. He declined to give the sermon due to the attention it would draw. He was fearful because he is still searching for a call.

Pr. Katherine preached about her own fears, her talks with leadership who did not share her views on this issue. She lamented how many pastors are currently removed from the ELCA roster for ordained ministers, or wait and do not have a call because of this issue.

I confronted my own initial hesitation to attend this service. I felt I did not have any stake in the issue. I had not thought or prayed much about this concern since Creator was part of a dialogue in 2005 through the Living Faithfully sessions. These sessions preceded the 2005 national churchwide assembly which crafted the current compromise policy. I participated in the sessions. I understood the arguments intellectually at that time but I did not know anyone affected by the policy.

Tonight my attendance made sense and the holy spirit connected within me. Suddenly taking a position on this, irregardless of personal stakes, was needed. The stories of struggle and spiritual brokenness in the RIC service needed to be a part of our overall Christian story. They gave me a deeper understanding of a path the church is following, together with the pain and the faith involved.

The witnessing in this sermon recalled words from a sermon Martin Luther gave in 1515. He said:

He who would read the Bible must simply take heed that he does not err, for the Scripture may permit itself to be stretched and led, but let no one lead it according to his own inclinations but let him lead it to the source, that is the cross of Christ. Then he will surely strike the center.

The cross of Christ was present in the sermon this evening. The helplessness, pain and passion of people fighting against injustice were present in most of those attending the service. Many were feeling like outsiders in the church, both gay and straight. My heart and prayers were and are with them.

In a talk afterwards, a couple told me a story about their daughter. She a straight seminary student. She was afraid of being removed from the seminary for answering a question from her heart. Did she believe ordained ministers who are homosexual in their self-understanding should be expected to abstain from homosexual relationships? From what I had heard her fears were not unfounded. People's lives and identities are on the line over what is happening in the church today.

The Gospel about prophets bringing God's blessings to those who are regarded as outsiders and the anger of the people when they heard this message did not sit in my heart the same as it had been in the morning. There was focus, purpose and an immediacy to the Gospel I heard this evening.

I didn't seek out this focus or purpose. Once again, Creator community worship challenged me into living through my knowledge of Christ and not from individual concerns and biases. I do not want to strain friendships and family relationships over this, yet a change is clearly needed. I appreciate the faith and fervor of people who feel the current path of the ELCA policy is correct or even that the church must follow more strictly what they believe is God's law, yet the cost became real to me tonight. There is a path through Christ that must be followed.

We sang All Are Welcome at both the Creator morning services and at the evening Central service. The context changed the impact of the song. I hope to sing it at Creator some day with the same context as at Central. .

January 24th, 2007

There was no choir rehearsal for the past two weeks due to weather. Today ends up being, due to attendance, a quartet practice including Matt. There was 1 soprano and 2 basses with Matt singing tenor when needed.

We opened by rehearsing Praise the Lord Our God Forever. We started practicing pieces for Easter and the new pieces are by the same composer of the Christmas program music.

Sight reading the new music was harder than usual, although the songs sound like they will be great when we are confident and familiar with them.

Matt's closing prayer impressed me. He prayed that the words and music we sing in choir would fill our minds and hearts throughout the week.

There are more changes in my prayer life joining the email prayer list. Mary asked me about this since, in the past, I have not been disciplined regarding prayer (other than before meal prayers). This was a reason for volunteering for the chain. I want to be more comfortable with prayer.

I am reading Thomas Merton's New Man. In the book he wrote about the "right thinking" man, who is an unbelieving believer: that is to say the relgious man who lives, in practice, without a God. This was in a passage where Merton was talking about the myth of Prometheus in an exploration of Christian renewal in terms of the loneliness and despair that seems to afflict much of modern transcendence. The myth of Prometheus, whom he calls the mystic without faith, is an inspired choice of story. Prometheus steals fire from God because he thinks he must - because God did not give man fire. Merton outlines the problem of Prometheus in another book:

If Christ has died and risen from the dead and poured out upon us the fire of His Holy Spirit, why do we imagine that our desire for life is a Promethean desire, doomed to punishment?

. . . .Why do we reproach ourselves for desiring victory? Why do we pride ourselves on our defeats, and glory in despair? Because we think our life is important to ourselves alone, and do not know that our life is more important to the Living God than it is to our own selves.

Because we think our happiness is for ourselves alone, and do not realize that it is also His happiness. Because we think our sorrows are for ourselves alone, and do not believe that they are much more than that: they are His sorrows. There is nothing we can steal from Him at all, because before we can think of stealing it, it has already been given.

This is quoted in relationship to prayer for internal perspective. My focus in the past started with the outcome of prayer. Praying to God focused on outcome is uncomfortable, together with stories about the power of prayer changing outcomes. It is too easy to slip into the notion God helps towards a desired outcome because you prayed or had faith enough or, of more concern, doesn't help because prayers or faith fell short.

I take the Merton passage to mean God already provides everything needed in a particular situation. The power of prayer is concerned with questioning, exploration and understanding of what is being prayed about and finding a proper relationship with God.

I will ask soon about the mechanics of the prayer chain (people are moved on, will we be told or assume when people should be moved off). I assume the mechanics will be close to the Prayers of the People in the liturgy and I will default to that.

Again, my wife has triggered a more mindful attentiveness to the direction I am taking in this endeavour.

January 23rd, 2007

Received an email today from Pastor Dayle about the prayer chain:

We have 18 pray-ers! Thanks for your participation. I'll be emailing you with requests as they come in.

Today, Janice Edberg requests prayers for healing for Paula Duncan who has cancer.
Thanks to all,

Dayle

Understanding the movement of God in the world springs from prayer. Obviously Creator's liturgical prayer is established and part of our lives. What we learn and experience through God's will together as we start this process remains to be seen.

To honor this I say a simple prayer in Jesus' name to change my discipline around prayer in my life to accomodate the participation I have promised.

January 21st, 2007

It is the season; Epiphany. I am experiencing many epiphanies at Creator right now; small, major, musical, and spiritual epiphanies. There are epiphanies of thought and Word. This Sunday there were epiphanies of definition and direction in the sermon, in the music and in the Adult Eduation hour.

Today Pastor Dayle preached about Pastor Brad Schmeling who, because he is a gay man living in a partnered relationship, has fallen “out of compliance” with the standards the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America set forth in Visions and Expectations which require chastity in singleness and fidelity in marriage.

The Gospel for this Sunday was Luke 4:14-21 which describes Jesus’ mission:

To bring good news to the poor, proclaim release to the captives and recovery of sight to the blind… and to let the oppressed go free.

Pastor Dayle made a powerful connection with the Gospel lesson and the charges against Pr. Schmeling and the ecclesiastical trial that began on Friday. Pastor Dayle pointed out Jesus is always on the side of the oppressed.

We exchanged email and I found out there is Reconciling in Christ (RIC) program which recognizes Lutheran congregations that welcome and include people of all sexual orientations and gender identities. The Oregon Synod is part of this and on January 28, 2007 at 7:00 PM there is a Reconciling in Christ Sunday Worship Service at Central Lutheran Church.

The rest of the sermon dovetailed in with thoughts about the Hopkin's poem in the last blog entry. Pastor Dayle said:


The mission of Jesus is the mission of the whole body of Christ, the church… that’s us. Together we have all the gifts to be functional and whole… together we have eyes and hands, ears and legs… working together, we are whole. God gives us all we need to be the church God is calling us to be.

Hopkins poem was obviously on the same masterful passage, the same heartfelt vision.

For the music on the Third Sunday after Epiphany we followed the ELW Setting 8. The Kyrie is a leader - response composition. People I talked to liked the feel of the melody, and it gave a fresh perspective on the words of the Kyrie as new music often will.

The Alleluia fits into the music of the setting. It moves from the leader - response of the Kyrie to a musical echo of the alleluia that the congregation sings.

The hymn of praise, Holy, Holy, Holy Lord, may take time to sing with confidence, although it was already becoming more familiar at the second service.


The Adult Ed Hour continued with Bishop Mark Hanson's book, Faithful and Courageous. This was Session 3 Jesus the Questioner. We talked about questions Jesus asked when he might be expected to offer comfort or help. It was interesting to talk about all the challenging questions Jesus asks in response to questions or in moments of conflict.

I was grateful to Teresa's organization and purpose for this particular session.

Teresa wants the Adult Ed hour for Faithful and Courageous to develop our confidence as Christians and an eagerness to share our faith stories with others. Basically to help Creator members cement their Christian friendships with one another.

She touched on this during our planning session and again at last week's Adult Ed hour. Together with Debi's observation, about how there are too few appropriate moments to share end experience each other’s Christian friendship deeply given the events we participate in, I found myself pondering ways to help bring about these deeper relationships.

People are involved in trying to accomplish this in many ways. Linda is starting up a prayer chain. There was a connection made with the help we gave the Hartungs. All the volunteer work people do here create an open environment where we can question learn and grow.

I pray and ask for guidance in this because I tried something with mixed success last year. The attempt revolved around sessions called Faith Stirring which sprung from a catechumenate model used by the early church.

There can be a discipline and a sharing of faith between those who want to affirm or reaffirm their baptism with other members of the church. We tried it as a new members class and there were moments of deep connection but it seemed to come from those who were invested, had spent time absorbing the material, and wanted to know each other. I wondered if, in the end, it was too wrapped around my ways of experiencing spiritual growth and that it was hard for me to hear what others were sharing.

Faith Stirring came from the same desire I feel in Teresa and Debi. I also see that longing in my wife. It is a hunger that not everyone has in the congregation. In some it is filled but for others, we feel an ache for different conversations, different relationships with others at Creator that nourish a deeper faith and is not afraid to question our society and conventions as we follow Jesus.

After the last service we had our congregational meeting. We adopted deficit budget of $38,875. Paul announced Susan Nolte as new VP, completing term of David Biggam, who will continue as Council Member at Large. The congregation elected Sara Gross and Peter Overvold to attend Oregon Synod Meeting in Eugene May 18-20. Paul went over the accomplishments and the turmoil that we experienced in 2006.

In closing, kudos to Paul, who has taken Creator through all the accomplishments and turmoil with strong faith and leadership.

January 16th, 2007

The Creator congregation is, for me, a realization of what the Church ideally attempts to be; which overcomes the divisions, boundaries, definitions or limitiations that are placed on it, even when it does not reach these goals as quickly or as surely as anyone would like.

Unfortunately my perception, at times, narrows and I lose sight of what Pastor Mark challenged us with yesterday in his sermon... seeing everyone as a child of God.

To move away from the narrowness I think about revelations like this poem:

As Kingfishers Catch Fire, Dragonflies Draw Flame
Gerard Manley Hopkins

As kingfishers catch fire, dragonflies dráw fláme;
As tumbled over rim in roundy wells
Stones ring; like each tucked string tells, each hung bell's
Bow swung finds tongue to fling out broad its name;
Each mortal thing does one thing and the same:
Deals out that being indoors each one dwells;
Selves--goes itself; myself it speaks and spells,
Crying Whát I do is me: for that I came.
Í say móre: the just man justices;
Kéeps gráce: thát keeps all his goings graces;
Acts in God's eye what in God's eye he is--
Chríst--for Christ plays in ten thousand places,
Lovely in limbs, and lovely in eyes not his
To the Father through the features of men's faces.

Hopkins poem captures (or does it continue to construct?) what I begin to know about the community around me. They live their purpose, as I also try to do. The heart of this poem, to me, is in the last half starting with the line Selves -- goes itself; myself it speaks and spells. When we keep all our goings graces, we act in God's eye what in God's eye we are -- Christ.

There are other visions we have of one another. There are times we move away from this vision but this is an amazing vision Creator reinforces in me week after week.

I hope I provide a glimpse of this vision as I write this from week to week. Recently we have talked about recording sermons for podcasts. I hope we capture music as well. Each week, in worship, the church finds tongue to fling out broad its name.

What else can I add, can this entry add?

January 14th, 2007

For the Second Sunday after Epiphany we celebrated in the musical portion of worship with mostly music from the new ELW. The Trumpets Sound, the Angels Sing is a great hymn to anticipate a service. The first service Kelly performed and for second service Janice and Craig helped lead on vocals.

Light Shone in Darkness was another special musical moment in both services as we sang it as an antiphon.

According to the introduction to the service today begins a week of prayer for Christian unity.

Pastor Mark gave a sermon illuminating today's readings and the gospel with one another and from a personal perspective. He dramatized the feeling of desolation described in Isaiah with the 1815 shipwreck of the brig Commerce and Captain James Riley. The ship was wrecked off the coast of Africa, putting the captain and his crew in great peril at the hands of Bedouin camel traders, who enslaved them after they had endured great physical hardship.

For the reading in Corinthians concerning spiritual gifts he talked about the prejudice he had learned in his teenage years which had their base in fear. Pastor Mark challenged us all to see each person we encountered first as a child of God and then perceived differences could be looked at as gifts rather than divisions.

Pastor Mark then tied the Gospel reading about the miracle of the wine at a wedding in Cana by describing the condition of the wine giving out as a state of desolation. By looking at attributes and circumstances of everyone we meet as gifts rather than divisions we open ourselves up to powerful transformations like the changing of water (ordinary experiences and relationships) into wine (enriched, kingdom-of-God experiences and relationships) .

Teresa led the Adult Ed hour on the first chapter of Faithful and Courageous which is titled Trusting God’s Faithful Promises.

We broke into small groups and Teresa, Greg, my wife and I discussed the connector question and the questions chosen from the chapter. Everyone had read the chapter and we talked about thoughts, concerns and fears we personally had and fears our congregation may have. In our small group we found all of us would be reluctant to admit our fears or take a spiritual crisis to congregational members on the whole. We had actually seen the contrary in several examples where people would not attend church precisely when they were in spiritual crisis. Certainly there are notable exceptions to this generalization we have also seen.

We speculated that as powerful as our experiences can be when we are singing God’s song, sharing God’s love and serving God’s people that this can be a celebration that push away some individual’s in moments of crisis.

It is easy to wish for more from your congregation, but something at the heart of Creator’s congregation frequently astonishes me. An example is the effort that Teresa made to give this Adult Ed hour a new meaningfulness and a time to strengthen our spiritual lives together. It enriched my family’s spiritual life in ways she probably doesn’t know. My wife and I spent Saturday talking about the reading and questions we both were initially reluctant to answer. Our talk increased the depth and meaning for me of the Adult Ed hour. When Teresa and Greg shared their answers to some of the questions on Sunday I learned a lot about where their faith was rooted.

To wrap this up, I will go back to Pastor Mark’s sermon that mentioned relationships and connections. He talked about how so many of us will say that relationships and connections are the most important things in our lives. Then we do not act as we talk. We invest our time in earning money and other concerns over taking time for the relationships in our lives.

I often see people who want to make connections in the congregation. It is the balance I need to strike in my life and within the relationships I have to be as connected as I would want with other members on the spiritual journey we are making together and individually. I pray God gives the strength and direction to provide the balance needed to give to others at Creator and to accept their gifts in ways that nourish us all.

January 8th, 2007

For the Hunger Awareness meeting there was a new enthusiasm for a new year. The dynamic has also changed with contributions from our new members Janelle and Sherrie.

We talked about de-emphasizing the goal for food contributions and simply report what was contributed in a given month the year before. Many new ideas were introduced. We discussed keeping the major focus on the Oregon Food Bank contributions.

Volunteer efforts can be tough to organize. It was hard to keep up with assigning people to the action items needed to move our ideas forward as we laid out a 2007 plan for Creator as a congregation in its Hunger Awareness effort.

There were ideas and projects that moved beyond hunger and towards helping the poor. The help is interlocked but we continue to feel we need to be diligent about keeping our focus on hunger.

The earnestness and willingness of this group to jump into the volunteer work is a constant source of inspiration to me.

January 7th, 2007

Epiphany; where we celebrate the light of Christ. Oddly, the Church calendar and my readings coincide again. I have studied James Joyce for the past month or so and epiphany is central to his writings, not the Christmas Star of Bethlehem but epiphany of thought; of understanding.

Pastor Dayle preached Christ’s new light was an epiphany for all people. All people are invited into the light of Christ. Christ’s light shines on all. God’s gift, this baby, is a gift for all. It is outsiders, foreigners, Gentiles who are guided to Jesus by the star.

In my childhood church uplifted me but there was always a caution that Jesus’ message must be moderated. There was respect for the church insofar as it supported an ethical system for society to follow. If practical matters conflicted with that ethical system common sense won out.

This did not promise much of a journey to my mind so, for many years, I followed science and art more purposefully than religion to satisfy the inner need for some transcendence. I recently read again Joyce’s definition of Epiphany and it captures what I was after in those years:

This is the moment which I call epiphany. First we recognize that the object is one integral thing, then we recognize that it is an organized composite structure, a thing in fact: finally, when the relation of the parts is exquisite, when the parts are adjusted to the special point, we recognize that it is that thing which it is. Its soul, its whatness, leaps to us from the vestment of its appearance. The soul of the commonest object, the structure of which is so adjusted, seems to us radiant. The object achieves its epiphany.

This definition left me as elated as the Story of the Wise Men. Joycean aesthetics, especially as outlined in Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man, is very seductive especially because Joyce’s ideas describe the experience of perception of an aesthetic object where “the mind is arrested and raised above desire and loathing”. This may be achieved (or not) in many ways; down many paths. Currently I am again in a church setting with the search and grateful that Creator provides an atmosphere in which this exploration is not only possible but encouraged.

Between services the Adult Ed hour was on Faithful and Courageous. Pastor Dayle gave the introduction and Teresa led us in to what to talk about in our small group sessions. The hour went by quickly.

We each shared a childhood fear in the small group session. Fear of dogs, tornadoes, and drowning…

We moved onto fears we have in confiding with one another and the fears we might have in making evangelical statements. It is a good discussion. We talked about moving from statements into action (for example, what does radical trust and love mean for us when, as Christians, we are really doing nothing different from our secular neighbors. Will saying that we are Christians inspire us to something more?). Too quickly it is time for second service.

I look forward to next week’s Adult Ed hour that Teresa will lead. I will lead on the 21st.

January 4th, 2007

The Adult Education hour planning session tonight fascinated me. Both Teresa and Debi came up with a number of great ideas and, in the end, the planning was complete and Teresa volunteered to type everything up.

We went over and selected relevant passages in the book to discuss each Sunday. Reading Faithful and Courageous was an ambivalent experience for me. I understood and agreed with what was written and simultaneously felt it fell short of what it espoused. I think, in part, I was groaning about facing how I fall short as a Christian.

This can be best illustrated with a passage we chose for our reflection, namely Christian lamentation. The passage highlights an aspect of the Christian life that is not often emphasized in our churches today, the element of Christian sorrow.

Too often there is a tacit assumption or hope that the person of faith lives with a kind of perpetual smile on the lips. Faith means an upbeat frame of mind. Of course, this is not true, and nothing in the New Testament or in Christian experience could justify such an attitude.

Christians have no secure and happy vantage point from which to view sorrow or pain. Rather, we must acknowledge and accept the shocking impracticality of Jesus’ teaching. If you live in this way, you will be used up by others. . . they will take everything you have and as a Christian you should expect this self-expenditure to lead sooner or later to your death.

The book talks about having the evangelical courage to state “I am a Christian”. I wonder if I am anywhere near what I profess and confess be the deepest part of my life. Am I any nearer to the kind of love for fellow man that Jesus taught or is there an inherent distrust and a need to keep myself divorced from loving neighbor as myself?

And oddly, what happened in this planning meeting became a microcosmic example of the courage and faith the book describes. Teresa and Debi introduced ideas and passages that would allow conversations about the core of our faith without fear. I recently worked on the Hunger Awareness Adult Ed hours. I questioned if the Adult Ed hour was an appropriate forum for deep explorations due to a 40 minute time constraint and whether people attending really wanted to address issues like these.

I agreed wholeheartedly with the effort but I was struck by a remark Debi made about being unsure where the kinds of conversations we could talk about could occur and I think it addressed the heart of why we don’t have conversations with one another about the deepest part of our faith.

I tried to imagine who and where this kind of sharing could take place if not at the Adult Ed hours. Obviously this is one of the purposes of this blog but so far this kind of “sharing” is predominantly one-sided.

In our society we are so purpose-driven in the times we meet with one another I don’t imagine it happening at those meetings where there is something on the agenda or a topic to meet about. There is a chance for it to happen during fellowship after the service, and I have shared faith stories during fellowship, but usually there are other activities to attend to as well.

I look forward to these sessions on Faithful and Courageous and I pray they strengthen our fellowship and deepen the dialog we have with one another.

January 3rd, 2007

This is the first choir rehearsal of the New Year. We worked on two songs, one we will sing on Sunday. The other is Mozart's Praise The Lord Our God Forever.

We have practiced both before and technical problems are easily addressed. There is a desire for excellence and teamwork in the choir that consistently inspires me. We have reached a point in these songs where the ministry in what the choir is doing can be felt; Particularly in the Mozart piece (which we haven't performed in public yet).

This is music that encapsulates the best of what a choir experience can be. When we first began to tackle this piece the notes, the rests, and essentially the overall movement of the piece was challenging. Every part was involved in something different at any given moment.

As we continued to practice the overall composition gradually became clear. There is a repetition in most choral work that is satisfying on many levels. The accumulation of this repetition is like the "yes" in the Ulyssess' Molly Bloom soliloquy. In the Mozart round hearing, (and singing) "Praise the Lord our God forever" again and again becomes more elating as the piece progresses.

In this it is also like Handel's Hallelujah Chorus, which our choir performed several years ago. There is initial challenge, the choir learning what each member will be contributing. Then comes a period where everyone makes adjustments and learns to accommodate, perfect and make those contributions a whole within the piece. After all this is negotiated and sorted out, and when what is written on the page is finally in place, then something new is worked on and communicated.

This "something new" is a place of spiritual growth and communication. There is always a danger; that the energy will be lost or that the joy will evaporate, but what I consistently see with performances is that something happens between the choir and congregation. I wrote about this is a song and I will end this entry with the lyrics that were inspired by this choir and congregation:

Gambol In the Presence of the Lord

In a Clackamas Sunday’s sacred morning light,
We’re bound to give ourselves to God to know true might.
Our eyes are focused on a mountain

with our need for faith restored.
We look and listen for God’s guidance
and how to gambol in the presence of the Lord.

There’s a feeling of forever

when the holy water’s poured,
There’s a foretaste of salvation
as we gambol in the presence of the Lord.

The congregation’s restless,

the choir prepares to sing
The piano plays how the sanctuary rings
Oh, see the choir swaying

to the pulsing, pounding chords
They know “He’s Worthy To Be Praised”
as they gambol in the presence of the Lord.

People caught up in devotion

to the life we’re moving toward
There’s a feeling we’re reforming

with a passion and it cannot be ignored.

The gleam of light now radiant

we celebrate the Son,
United in our hope God’s will is done.
Oh, it’s a mighty liberation

giving up our badge and sword
Overcoming fear and ego
will let us gambol in the presence of the Lord.

So let’s put love into action

more for help than for reward,
And find God’s glory in the doing
while we gambol in the presence of the Lord.

In the presence of the Lord,

In the presence of the Lord,

In the presence of the Lord.